You are currently viewing Learning to be Still
jill111 / Pixabay

Learning to be Still

Everything in my world is changing.

My entire universe is shifting.

There is much ‘leaving’ going on. I am leaving behind academia after 25 years, and stepping off the treadmill of holding down two jobs while attempting to raise two kids. My children—twins—are leaving for college, setting out on their own paths, so excited to navigate their own way on the next part of their journey. I am leaving what has been my home for the last 14 years, my neighbors, my town—where I have raised my children and worked to secure a beautiful house in an idyllic neighborhood. I am leaving behind a frenetic phase of life, one that—if I’m honest with myself—I have very little recollection of—because I was so busy doing.

Nothing inspires thoughtful reflection like packing up your life. While I was sifting through the boxes that contain the artifacts of who I once was—holding the worn out stuffed animals that comforted me as a child—rereading letters from my grandmother—revisiting photographs of family members long gone—thumbing through my own children’s baby books and their favorite childhood books of Frog and Toad and the Beatrix Potter stories—an Eagles song started filtering through my iPod. To this point, the music was merely serving as motivation to get me through the next box, but this song made me stop and listen, and then play it again. This song brought me to tears amidst the remnants of my past.

You’d give anything to silence

Those voices ringing in your head

You thought you could find happiness

Just over that green hill

You thought you would be satisfied

But you never will–

Learn to be still

When you experience leaving, you also experience arriving someplace that is completely new. My new beginning does include a new job—after all, there is tuition due for the next four years. But it is one job, not two, and it is work that is both rewarding (writing grants for a nonprofit that serves those in need) and manageable. It will not deplete me.

My new beginning also includes a much smaller living space in a much smaller town, close to the water and the mountains, in a place that provides both the quiet and the community that I crave.

My new beginning offers me the opportunity—at long last—to learn to be still.

Even if your heart is breaking

It’s waiting for you to awaken

And someday you will–

Learn to be still


Diane DeBella

As a writer, teacher, and speaker Diane has spent over twenty years examining women’s issues. She is the author of the collective memoir *I Am Subject: Sharing Our Truths to Reclaim Our Selves*, and editor of the anthology *I Am Subject Stories: Women Awakening*. As a long-time faculty member at the University of Colorado, she received the CU Women Who Make a Difference Award and the CU-LEAD Alliance Faculty Appreciation Award. Through her organization I Am Subject, Diane helps us understand how we—as women—are impacted by the society in which we live. By claiming ourselves as subjects of our own lives, we become empowered and also provide strong role models for other women and girls. In healing ourselves we help others—a beautiful way for women to create nurturing, supportive communities.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. lindy

    D, this is simply beautiful. I have another friend going through something very similar right now. This will bring her comfort. See you next Monday, my friend!

    1. Diane DeBella

      Thank you, Lindy. It is definitely a time of transition and reflection, which brings some grief, but it is also a time of excitement and even relief–to be jumping off the crazy hamster wheel that has been my existence. I am ready to live – to be.

      1. debbie sipowicz

        Beautiful. I’ll be holding space and sending good intentions out for you Diane. I feel in my heart something great on the horizon for you. I am a true believer in you and your gifts. Where are you headed?

        1. Diane DeBella

          Thank you, Debbie. Just outside of Salida – a place that brings me a sense of peace and contentment. I hope to have more opportunity to focus on the work I am passionate about.

  2. terri st. cloud

    diane….i love this. thank you. will share it on the bone sigh arts page again. we need to see it. 🙂

    1. Diane DeBella

      Thank you, Terri! I have written a few pieces about transition. It is a time for introspection.

Leave a Reply